Breaking the Anxiety Cycle: How Small Actions Can Set You Free
Have you ever felt like your mind is spinning with worries, yet you can’t seem to move forward? Anxiety thrives in uncertainty, taking us down rabbit holes and keeping us stuck in endless loops of overthinking. It convinces us we have to solve everything right now—or worse, that we’re powerless to do anything at all. But here’s the truth: the opposite of anxiety isn’t reassurance, avoidance, or waiting for the perfect moment. It’s confidence—confidence that we have the ability to handle whatever comes our way.
What is Anxiety and How Do We Know We're Feeling It?
Anxiety is our body’s natural response to future events that are perceived as threats, whether real or imagined. It’s that sense of unease, worry, or fear—a signal that we don't feel equipped or confident to deal with what's ahead. Anxiety can show up in different ways—racing thoughts, restlessness, trouble sleeping, or even physical symptoms like a tight chest, nausea, or a rapid heartbeat.
Our brains are hardwired for survival, so it often trick us into believing that something terrible will happen, because well, it's best to be prepared! Back in caveman times, being on high alert for the sabre tooth tiger rustling in the bushes could mean the difference between life and death. In modern life, we are rarely in genuine life-or-death situations, but our brains haven’t evolved as fast as our world has. So, it acts as if we are still in danger—but in today’s world, there’s always something "rustling the bushes." Counselling can help us work out whether the rustling is actually a threat to our safety or whether the rustling is something we haven't done before and thats why we don't feel equipped.
The Cycle of Anxiety
Understanding the cycle of anxiety is key to breaking free from it. The cycle typically looks like this:
Trigger – A situation, thought, or event sparks feelings of anxiety.
Perceived Threat – The brain interprets the trigger as dangerous or overwhelming.
Avoidance – In response, we avoid the situation or engage in safety behaviours to reduce discomfort. These could be avoiding the social event, the difficult conversation or procrastination.
Temporary Relief – Avoidance makes us feel better in the short term, reinforcing the idea that the threat was real.
Increased Anxiety – Over time, avoidance keeps the fear alive, making it grow stronger.
This cycle keeps us stuck because every time we avoid something, our brain learns that avoidance = safety. The problem? It stops us from ever challenging the fear and proving to ourselves that we can cope.
When we overthink, we avoid feeling—we stay in our thoughts to protect ourselves from the discomfort of vulnerability and uncertainty. But these thoughts, in themselves, are a protective mechanism keeping us stuck.
Safety Behaviours: How We Try to Outsmart Anxiety (and Why It Backfires)
Many people unknowingly engage in safety behaviours—short-term coping mechanisms that reduce anxiety in the moment but reinforce it in the long run. Some common examples include:
Avoidance: Not going to social events, avoiding difficult conversations, or procrastinating on tasks that cause anxiety.
Reassurance-seeking: Constantly asking others for validation, googling symptoms or worst-case scenarios, or repeatedly checking messages.
Over-preparation: Spending excessive time planning, researching, or making contingency plans to prevent anything from going wrong.
Distraction: Using scrolling, binge-watching, or keeping excessively busy to avoid sitting with anxious feelings.
Control behaviours: Checking things repeatedly (like locks, emails, or work), micromanaging situations, or over-explaining to prevent misunderstandings.
Self-soothing rituals: Relying on certain habits (like tapping, counting, or specific routines) to feel safe rather than addressing the root of anxiety.
While these behaviours might offer short-term relief, they keep anxiety going by reinforcing the belief that we need them to feel safe. The way forward? Recognising when we are using them and gradually challenging ourselves to face discomfort instead of avoiding it.
The Power of “Even If” Thinking
Many of us fall into the anxious thinking trap of “What if?”
What if the worst happens?
What if it all goes horribly wrong?
What if I can’t handle it?
These thoughts feed anxiety and make us feel even more out of control. A way to reframe them is to challenge them with “Even if…”
Even if the worst happens, I will be able to do something to deal with it.
Even if things go wrong, I can come up with a plan.
See the difference? Instead of spiralling into helplessness, this shift reminds us of our resilience and ability to adapt.
The Worry Tree: A Decision-Making Tool for Anxiety Relief
If your anxiety stems from not knowing what to do, the Worry Tree is a brilliant tool. It’s a way of asking:
Is this worry real or hypothetical? In other words, is this something I can do something about?
If yes, can I take action now, or should I plan it for later?
If no, no action is required by me, how can I let it go or reframe it?
This approach keeps you focused on what’s within your control and stops you from spending energy on things you can’t change. It aligns with another favourite of mine the Circle of Control (also known as locus of control)—a simple but powerful concept that reminds us to focus on what we can influence and let go of what we can’t. Shifting our energy to what’s in our control reduces stress and empowers us to take meaningful action. Each time we do, we build evidence that we can cope and that we are doing everything within our control.
Not sure who it is from originally but I regularly share this quote with clients:
“Emotions are like children. You don’t want them driving the car because they will crash it. You don’t want to shove them in the boot because they might die. You want them in the back seat where they can be seen and heard and attended to, but they are not in control of anything.”
Anxiety, like all emotions, deserves acknowledgment, but it shouldn’t be in control. By recognising it, creating space for it, and taking small, practical steps forward, we can keep it in its rightful place—seen, heard, but not driving our decisions.
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway
Anxiety keeps us stuck, convincing us we can’t move forward. But the truth is, action—no matter how small—is the antidote. Taking one step, no matter how tiny, disrupts the cycle of anxiety, builds our confidence in our own ability and reminds us that we can cope.
The key isn’t to wait until the anxiety is gone before acting. It’s to act despite the anxiety, proving to ourselves that fear doesn’t have to be in charge. Each action builds confidence, creates momentum, and strengthens our belief in ourselves.
So, what action can you take today? It doesn’t have to be big. Maybe it’s making a list, sending an email, or deciding to pause and breathe. Whatever it is, know that you are already breaking the cycle of anxiety. And that dear reader is how we move forward.
If you would like personalised support managing anxiety, get in touch— you don't have to work it out by yourself, I'm here and I can help.
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